"abide in me as I abide in you..." John 15:4
Did the BCP hours this morning. The NT reading was from 1 Cor. 15. As I was reading it I was realizing what an incredibly important piece of theological writing this is. It is perhaps one of the most important, but mis-used or mis-apprehended chapters of the bible, theologically speaking. It was good to read it in a more devotional setting in concert with other prayers and such.Also, I'm unable to stop thinking about Ben today. It was the Monday after Easter last year that he was arrested. I think some of those emotions are resurfacing and I'm feeling some of the pain again. Nowhere near what I'm guessing he's feeling today but still has me feeling a little sad and maybe a little bit disappointed.Anyway...Peace,-t
Friday Evening Confessions:I confess that my productivity has been low lately, even though I’ve been working hard. Even the ways that I waste time have been a waste of time. I can’t even loaf productively, it sucks.I confess that I’m struggling with self-esteem and self-doubt right now, and it’s probably connected to being unproductive. I feel like I’m not good at anything right now, which is really hard for me. I know this is foolish but I can’t seem to stop it.I confess that my next 10 days are going to be pure hell and I’m worried about how I’m going to keep my head above water. I’ve way over committed for this time period and I just know my family will pay the price.I confess that I’ve been spending a lot of time with Kristin in the evenings when I should be studying. I confess that I make myself feel like that is “wasting” time when it’s really a good thing. Problem is that we just watch TV or something. I confess to squandering even those opportunities to be productive. Lack of productivity seems to be the confessional theme this week. I confess that my car broke down this week and I’m reminded that I detest automobiles on principle. Anyway you slice it we are going to take a bath on keeping 2 working cars. I confess to wanting a Prius because they are cheap on gas and good for the environment – even though it’s probably too much money. I confess that I made promises to my boys and didn’t keep them today, just about little things we were going to do together. It’s the first time I remember really screwing them around like that and Nicholas, especially, was so cool about it. I hate disappointing my kids especially when they handle it well. Enough already.
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